Really enjoyed reading this. It's almost as if dating and relationships have been made into a marketable product where the marketers don't actually want anyone to be happy. Every week there's a new buzzword to learn or a habit to be wary of in your significant other. It all means ugatz but contributing to a soulless society.
I love this even though it made me cringe. This whole meta “double guessing” what someone really means takes me back to my youth in the Deep South where a simple comment like “looks like it’s windy out today” really meant “you go get a hairbrush and a mirror.”
For what it’s worth, I found this piece valuable! I know writing about breakups is fraught.
There’s another writer on Substack who chalked up that woman who moved to Texas as experiencing “normal shitty 20s relationship stuff,” essentially, and accused people who were angry on her behalf of acting entitled for thinking that she was owed better than that? I…didn’t know what to think. I almost wish I could show you the article and get your opinion, since your insights here were so good. (Sometimes, I read something that sounds off, but someone says it so authoritatively that I wonder if I’m missing something. Blaming the ‘tism.)
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this pain. I broke up from an almost decade-long relationship that went through my ex’s entire post-secondary educational career and both of us transitioning, only for her to cheat and unceremoniously end the relationship when I wasn’t enthusiastic about opening the relationship for her to see the person she cheated with and had known for approximately 2 weeks. It’s been a year, but it still feels recent. It gets better, but it still sucks. What I’m trying to say is: I hope you find little things that make you feel less lonely and a bit happier, even if for a moment. I hope you can build something even better. I hope The Apps all go offline at once, forever (Hinge is truly a pit).
i really really liked this! completely agree, the internet has typologised and pathologised so many aspects of love and romance, and i think that the persian poet approach is really the only way we can escape. and despite what you said at the start, i think you've taken a personal circumstance and connected it to a bunch of interesting ideas, and written about it all very eloquently! would gladly read your 'slop' again <3
late 20s guy with OCD, recently went through a breakup this year and struggling with so many of the same fears and qualms with modern dating. Often have to catch myself traveling down the rabbit hole of shit content looking for the magic piece of life changing info. Didn’t realize it was a compulsion for so long. Just learning to catch myself doing it, great read, thanks for this
thank you so much! yeah it was only when i realised it was causing me a lot of distress and that i was refusing to just sit with the discomfort instead that i realised it was actually a compulsion and that i needed to stop
My seven year relationship ended in June of 2023 and this whole post really speaks to me about what dating was like post-breakup and the mindfuckery of TikTok therapist relationship/dating advice. The trenches are TRENCHY
>A sad byproduct of this avoidance of pain at all costs is a certain emotional numbing, which leads to a complete neutering of any heated, passionate, or particularly devastating matters of the heart
Yes! This! It’s really clear to me that a huge problem w/ The Apps is that this style of dating punishes vulnerability, the thing that is necessary to start a relationship. It makes everyone miserable and trains them to engage in bad behavior which makes things even worse.
I’m so happy to discover your substack although I cried reading the end of this essay haha. But that’s what feeling human as you wrote, is about! I’m so glad it made me FEEL something.
Really enjoyed reading this. It's almost as if dating and relationships have been made into a marketable product where the marketers don't actually want anyone to be happy. Every week there's a new buzzword to learn or a habit to be wary of in your significant other. It all means ugatz but contributing to a soulless society.
I love this even though it made me cringe. This whole meta “double guessing” what someone really means takes me back to my youth in the Deep South where a simple comment like “looks like it’s windy out today” really meant “you go get a hairbrush and a mirror.”
thank you! as an autistic person it is a NIGHTMARE to navigate hahahaha
For what it’s worth, I found this piece valuable! I know writing about breakups is fraught.
There’s another writer on Substack who chalked up that woman who moved to Texas as experiencing “normal shitty 20s relationship stuff,” essentially, and accused people who were angry on her behalf of acting entitled for thinking that she was owed better than that? I…didn’t know what to think. I almost wish I could show you the article and get your opinion, since your insights here were so good. (Sometimes, I read something that sounds off, but someone says it so authoritatively that I wonder if I’m missing something. Blaming the ‘tism.)
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this pain. I broke up from an almost decade-long relationship that went through my ex’s entire post-secondary educational career and both of us transitioning, only for her to cheat and unceremoniously end the relationship when I wasn’t enthusiastic about opening the relationship for her to see the person she cheated with and had known for approximately 2 weeks. It’s been a year, but it still feels recent. It gets better, but it still sucks. What I’m trying to say is: I hope you find little things that make you feel less lonely and a bit happier, even if for a moment. I hope you can build something even better. I hope The Apps all go offline at once, forever (Hinge is truly a pit).
i really really liked this! completely agree, the internet has typologised and pathologised so many aspects of love and romance, and i think that the persian poet approach is really the only way we can escape. and despite what you said at the start, i think you've taken a personal circumstance and connected it to a bunch of interesting ideas, and written about it all very eloquently! would gladly read your 'slop' again <3
thank you so much! power to the persian poets imo 💪
late 20s guy with OCD, recently went through a breakup this year and struggling with so many of the same fears and qualms with modern dating. Often have to catch myself traveling down the rabbit hole of shit content looking for the magic piece of life changing info. Didn’t realize it was a compulsion for so long. Just learning to catch myself doing it, great read, thanks for this
thank you so much! yeah it was only when i realised it was causing me a lot of distress and that i was refusing to just sit with the discomfort instead that i realised it was actually a compulsion and that i needed to stop
My seven year relationship ended in June of 2023 and this whole post really speaks to me about what dating was like post-breakup and the mindfuckery of TikTok therapist relationship/dating advice. The trenches are TRENCHY
Think you’re 100% spot on. People are so far removed from actually experiencing another human due to all this bullshit on social media.
Being a medieval Persian poet is so real.
Also, your writing is very captivating!
thank you so much! ❤️
Wow, this was so beautifully written and deeply relatable. Thanks for these wonderful thoughts!
Really lovely read 🩷🩷🩷
thank you so much! <3
>A sad byproduct of this avoidance of pain at all costs is a certain emotional numbing, which leads to a complete neutering of any heated, passionate, or particularly devastating matters of the heart
Yes! This! It’s really clear to me that a huge problem w/ The Apps is that this style of dating punishes vulnerability, the thing that is necessary to start a relationship. It makes everyone miserable and trains them to engage in bad behavior which makes things even worse.
Such a brilliant piece. Thankyou
I’m so happy to discover your substack although I cried reading the end of this essay haha. But that’s what feeling human as you wrote, is about! I’m so glad it made me FEEL something.